#109

hi all how r u?
hows ur fasting days?
hope all good ya =)

lately ive been really busy, midterms, assignments, labtests, presentations, aargh they're killing me slowly! well, nothing really new bout me, just now i already finished all my study stuff. and on 18th i'll be going back home for Lebaran! yipeeeeeeeyy!! =D
then come back here again to have my finals huhuh

so, i have something to share with u guys
my friend, let's say L, she's really down rite now. on the lowest point of her mood.
why? because her Egyptian bf, lets say H, has just gone back for good to his hometown in Dubai.
L is also Indonesian like me we have the same stories bout our love life, dating an international (non Indonesian here). she could go crazy at this moment, 2 years they've been together, really have the life only the two of them then now suddenly L will have to go through the rest of her study time here all alone, alone here i mean not with H anymore. she went to KLIA last nite to see H for the last time. hey, Dubai and Malaysia/Indonesia is not a short distance, rite? and how could u manage to keep ur relationship if there's no certain time when u will meet again? it could be 6 months, 1 year, 3 years, 5 years or not at all. no one knows, only God maybe.
i can feel her sadness, really. this thing has been on my mind not only once or twice.
but every time me and my friends talking bout graduation, bout industrial training that will soon we have to do. i feel happy of course, but there's a part of me that wish these times wont come or never have to come.
why?
soon i'll be in L's position, being separated of distance with my bf. we havent talk anything seriously bout what will happen to us that time. and i know we both can't do LDR. its really hard, isnt it? it could be him, in Kazakh and me in Malaysia or Spore or Jakarta. or it could be him in UK and me in Aussie. or him still in Malaysia or me in Jakarta or Aussie or wherever it is. the distance will still be there.
my heart hurts if i think about this. its been 1,5 years now im with him. half of my 3 years university life has him in it. we've been through a lot together. and suddenly i wont see him again? OUCH! my heart and my mind in pain.
i love him, i do.
by seeing him everyday, its enough to make me happy, to make my day even if im mad at him, i feel like i hate him one time. but it will pass whenever he starts to make me laugh, make funny face or voices. i never stay mad for too long.
if someone upset me, i turn to him. he can comfort me, being the greatest rock, the most funny entertainer, i could laugh like crazy because of his jokes, he calms me.
he is my heaven and hell. my good and bad. i am half he is half, together we can make one, he is my pain and my joy. my strength and my weakness. my yin and yang.
and i will loose it all. well, if everything goes smooth until the time for graduation we still together, i face what L just faced last nite. the day when her bf went away for good.
it is my risk, since the first time i ever agreed to be his gf, since the time we're back together, we both know the time will come. we're too young to get married, well maybe not that young but we have so much to experience later after graduation. i want to travel, i want to do master, i want to work, i want to earn money, i want to have free life! if i get married means i wont get all of that, yes? but marriage really sounds appealing, interesting, hilarious,beautiful and scary at the same time. wait, why i talk about marriage?
all im saying is that i dont know where will this all going. and i am scared to just think more deep about this, cause im in denial of admitting the answer of my questions. i also scared to talk about this seriously with him. i just want to have fun, make the most of it while we still have time, make lots of good memories with him to embrace them later.
am i wrong?
oh shoot. my mood is really drop now